Pepe's Garage

I still got more to list, read on! Remember, read at your own risk.

51) Kosher or Not, Bacon is super YUMMY!!!

52) When a good person buys youse guys a First Round, buy the next round. Don’t be cheap, you ass!

55) Disc brakes works on all bicycle so shut your caliper/cantilever piehole!

56) No means NO!! Innit!

57) Budweiser is not a beer, golly!

58) Tofurkey, Tofuckit! Get a real Turkey! You stupid hippie!

59) Tempura is not Sushi, you airheads!

60) When your date want to have sex after marriage, fucking diss her off. Total Hypocrite! She’ll fuck somebody else before you know it. Man, when I want to fuck, I mean I really do want to fuck. Not finally fucking fuck after three years. Jeez!

61) Tofu chili? Hold on, let me go out and shoot my foot. Fuck!

62) A shaven pussy is edible. A hairy dense pussy is not. Who the heck you think I am? Indiana Jones?

63) Wash your hands before you pee then wash your hands afterwards. Keep your cock clean for that nice hottie you’re with.

64) When you’re balding so bad, shave it all off, okay! Simply Man up! Else, we’ll make fun of your hair-plugs and oo yes, we still will.

65) Don’t Hoard. It’s okay to hoard food. But other things, nope. Collecting stamp is not a hobby, it’s hoarding. Get it?

66) The bigger the house, the bigger your utilities bills will be.

67) Suburbia is stupid!

68) Get plenty of sleep.

69) Sixty-Nine is awesome. But remember to shave, fuck!

70) Wearing a suit is Awesome.

71) You could learn a lot from Barney Stinson.

72) Spartacus is awe-inspiring series.

73) Frack it, BSG is the shit! Yeow!

74) Feeling gloomy on Sunday morning, read the funnies.

75) Checkerboard-style and neon color paintjob on your Harley is definitely a TOTAL EYESORE.

76) Freelance is not fucking FREE, pay up, ASS!

77) The higher your stupid 4×4 is, the smaller your gonads are.

78) I never like Demi Moore, never do, never will.

79) Christian Bale is Batman, not Michael Keaton, jeez!

80) The 80′s blows fart.

81) Glamour Metal, oooo please. Old Skool Heavy Metal is the real thing.

82) Let the tattooist draw you up an unique work of art. It’s better than picking some dumb thing off the dumb book of dumb tattoos.

83) Put away your goddamn smartphone when a hottie wants to talk to you.

84) Ah, Macintosh. Still, 80s still sucks!

85) Hell, don’t fucking text and drive, you stupid fuck!

86) Don’t believe everything from CNN and Fox News. They’re just brain-fucking you. Read New York Times.

87) Not everything is a conspiracy, you silly!

88) Learn to self-analyze yourself for the betterment of mankind.

89) Developed thick skin, okay, don’t get upset too fast.

90) Wanna learn how to be a man, learn from James “Jimmy” Stewart. Chuck Yeager. Clint Eastwood. BUT, NOT KANYE WEST, golly! NOT EVEN BECK, Jeez!

91) Boxing is a gentlemen’s sports.

92) A suit with a baggy pants is not very elegant, it’s just plain dumb. Get a tailor.

93) Drive cool, not like an angry maniac.

94) Airheadness and Driving don’t mix.

95) A hot women who free-coochin’ is awesome. Unless shaven, that’s fine.

96) Don’t be a hack.

97) Keep your place clean and organize.

98) Nice guys finished last and you know it!

99) Don’t be too desperate and jump into a relationship too fast.

100) Being possessive on a woman/man is dangerous and obsessive. It means you don’t trust anything.

101) Jealousy is fucking waste of time. If your woman’s jealous, dump her fast. Don’t be flatter by it.

102) When a day goes awry, simmer down, fill a glass of your favorite drink (ie – bourbon or vodka) and relax.

103) At most time, when a relationship is over, it’s likely both your fault.

104) When you know someone is divorced, congratulate her/him and throw a party. It’s healthy. Divorce is the norm of our lives and shouldn’t be ostracized.

105) …….to be continued……

Yeah, color me a judgemental asshole but, hell, I take it as a compliment and Thank You very much. More to come, beep!

I’ve been on earth for the last 40 years. I have decided to give away my set of rules for all men out there. It’s somewhat doable rules for women. Read at yer own risk: (These rules can be apply to the gay community.)

1) Never settle for anything less.

2) When a woman pussy-whip ya, dump her fast. I mean real fast.

3) Motorcycle come first, not the missus.

4) There’s plenty of fishes in the ocean so who gives a fuck when a woman dumps ya for the next blow-hole.

5) When a bro prefers one woman in a bed, show him the light, two women or more are awesome fun!

6) Never trust a woman or a dude who loves to watch:
Soap operas
Reality shows
Daytime talk show
Full House sitcom series
And most important of all, Twilight series.
If you know anymore, insert here:

7) As cruel as this will be, be sure to look at old photos of your girlfriend/boyfriend. If she/he was fat, get the fuck out. Trust me, she/he will get fat overtime no matter what.

8. It’s okay not to be married and play around, really.

9) Fastfood are for fat people only.

10) Fastfood are good unless you hiking or bicycling across any continent. Go for Pizza.

11) When a woman or a dude is high-maintenance, they’re disposable.

12) NASCAR is a redneck sports, period.

13) Be mindful of dudes with their neck bigger than their head.

14) Do not get married in your teens, your twenties, and early thirties. Mid-thirties or later is cool.

15) Be best-buds with hackers, they can be your greatest allies.

16) Strippers are awesome, show them respect.

17) Feminists are not awesome, show them respect at a distance.

18) Liberal dudes are fraud, they are only doing it to get laid, historically speaking. (ie-hippies)

19) Mini-Vans are not cool, period.

20) Be sure to find out if your date’s history of substance abuse. If your date has such one, it’s over. Not worth your time. Once an addict, always an addict.

21) A meek person is a waste of time.

22) Baggy and saggy pants are not cool, they’re very douche and you have the right to laugh at them and make jokes.

24) Ebonic is not a language, it’s illiterate thing. Do you guys want a Hillbilly-speak to be a language? Please!

25) Rush Limbaugh is a natural born douche-bag and his opinions are invalid.

26) Family Guy’s Peter Griffin is based on Rush Limbaugh.

27) Star Trek and Star Wars are awesome, end of the arguments. Shut it, geeks!

28) Babylon 5 is stupid, sorry, geeks!

29) Curling is not an Olympic event, it is a beer sports.

30) Beer is good for you.

31) There are no De-caf-soy-milk Caramel Mocha in Italy so, MAN UP and drink espresso. I’ll be shit-bagged if there are.

32) Starbucks’ sucks cock.

33) Riding a motorcycle without helmet mean you’re complete moron!

34) Riding a motorcycle without proper riding clothings mean you’re as stupid as a naked fat guy at a nude camp.

35) Salma Hayek is sexy, don’t argue with me.

36) Jennifer Lopez’ ass is awesome, ’nuff said!

37) When your date is allergic to chocolate, it’s totally over! (Trust me on this. It’s from my real-life experience.)

38) Clip your fingernails and your toenails. Long nails are disgusting.

39) Girls, do not use your teeth when blowing. Ya want us bite your clit!!!

40) G-string on a woman is awesome, ’nuff said.

41) When you buy a DSLR, read the fucking manual, you fuck! If you’re too lazy, send it back and get a point and shoot digicam! Jeez!

42) Do NOT pull the “Back in my day….” bullshit, get it, you old gas-bag.

43) Never brush your teeth before breakfast. Shit, try drinking Orange Juice afterwards. On the plus, do NOT douse your scramble eggs or hash browns with hot sauce then drink a coffee, OO shit, it’s nasty.

44) Dremel grinder’s the best tool ever!

45) Babies are beautiful the next day, okay. Not just out of the womb, you sicko. Poor them all covered up in muck and they stink!

46) Valentino Rossi is awesome!

47) Quit Assuming everything, ass!

48) Political Correctness is a fuckin’ waste of time. Obesity is the same as “Golly, you’re fat!”

49) Bicycles are awesome.

50) Fuck is a beautiful word.

Okay, I will post more later on. Later, maaaaaan and woman!