Pepe's Garage

I still got more to list, read on! Remember, read at your own risk.

51) Kosher or Not, Bacon is super YUMMY!!!

52) When a good person buys youse guys a First Round, buy the next round. Don’t be cheap, you ass!

55) Disc brakes works on all bicycle so shut your caliper/cantilever piehole!

56) No means NO!! Innit!

57) Budweiser is not a beer, golly!

58) Tofurkey, Tofuckit! Get a real Turkey! You stupid hippie!

59) Tempura is not Sushi, you airheads!

60) When your date want to have sex after marriage, fucking diss her off. Total Hypocrite! She’ll fuck somebody else before you know it. Man, when I want to fuck, I mean I really do want to fuck. Not finally fucking fuck after three years. Jeez!

61) Tofu chili? Hold on, let me go out and shoot my foot. Fuck!

62) A shaven pussy is edible. A hairy dense pussy is not. Who the heck you think I am? Indiana Jones?

63) Wash your hands before you pee then wash your hands afterwards. Keep your cock clean for that nice hottie you’re with.

64) When you’re balding so bad, shave it all off, okay! Simply Man up! Else, we’ll make fun of your hair-plugs and oo yes, we still will.

65) Don’t Hoard. It’s okay to hoard food. But other things, nope. Collecting stamp is not a hobby, it’s hoarding. Get it?

66) The bigger the house, the bigger your utilities bills will be.

67) Suburbia is stupid!

68) Get plenty of sleep.

69) Sixty-Nine is awesome. But remember to shave, fuck!

70) Wearing a suit is Awesome.

71) You could learn a lot from Barney Stinson.

72) Spartacus is awe-inspiring series.

73) Frack it, BSG is the shit! Yeow!

74) Feeling gloomy on Sunday morning, read the funnies.

75) Checkerboard-style and neon color paintjob on your Harley is definitely a TOTAL EYESORE.

76) Freelance is not fucking FREE, pay up, ASS!

77) The higher your stupid 4×4 is, the smaller your gonads are.

78) I never like Demi Moore, never do, never will.

79) Christian Bale is Batman, not Michael Keaton, jeez!

80) The 80′s blows fart.

81) Glamour Metal, oooo please. Old Skool Heavy Metal is the real thing.

82) Let the tattooist draw you up an unique work of art. It’s better than picking some dumb thing off the dumb book of dumb tattoos.

83) Put away your goddamn smartphone when a hottie wants to talk to you.

84) Ah, Macintosh. Still, 80s still sucks!

85) Hell, don’t fucking text and drive, you stupid fuck!

86) Don’t believe everything from CNN and Fox News. They’re just brain-fucking you. Read New York Times.

87) Not everything is a conspiracy, you silly!

88) Learn to self-analyze yourself for the betterment of mankind.

89) Developed thick skin, okay, don’t get upset too fast.

90) Wanna learn how to be a man, learn from James “Jimmy” Stewart. Chuck Yeager. Clint Eastwood. BUT, NOT KANYE WEST, golly! NOT EVEN BECK, Jeez!

91) Boxing is a gentlemen’s sports.

92) A suit with a baggy pants is not very elegant, it’s just plain dumb. Get a tailor.

93) Drive cool, not like an angry maniac.

94) Airheadness and Driving don’t mix.

95) A hot women who free-coochin’ is awesome. Unless shaven, that’s fine.

96) Don’t be a hack.

97) Keep your place clean and organize.

98) Nice guys finished last and you know it!

99) Don’t be too desperate and jump into a relationship too fast.

100) Being possessive on a woman/man is dangerous and obsessive. It means you don’t trust anything.

101) Jealousy is fucking waste of time. If your woman’s jealous, dump her fast. Don’t be flatter by it.

102) When a day goes awry, simmer down, fill a glass of your favorite drink (ie – bourbon or vodka) and relax.

103) At most time, when a relationship is over, it’s likely both your fault.

104) When you know someone is divorced, congratulate her/him and throw a party. It’s healthy. Divorce is the norm of our lives and shouldn’t be ostracized.

105) …….to be continued……

Yeah, color me a judgemental asshole but, hell, I take it as a compliment and Thank You very much. More to come, beep!

I’ve been on earth for the last 40 years. I have decided to give away my set of rules for all men out there. It’s somewhat doable rules for women. Read at yer own risk: (These rules can be apply to the gay community.)

1) Never settle for anything less.

2) When a woman pussy-whip ya, dump her fast. I mean real fast.

3) Motorcycle come first, not the missus.

4) There’s plenty of fishes in the ocean so who gives a fuck when a woman dumps ya for the next blow-hole.

5) When a bro prefers one woman in a bed, show him the light, two women or more are awesome fun!

6) Never trust a woman or a dude who loves to watch:
Soap operas
Reality shows
Daytime talk show
Full House sitcom series
And most important of all, Twilight series.
If you know anymore, insert here:

7) As cruel as this will be, be sure to look at old photos of your girlfriend/boyfriend. If she/he was fat, get the fuck out. Trust me, she/he will get fat overtime no matter what.

8. It’s okay not to be married and play around, really.

9) Fastfood are for fat people only.

10) Fastfood are good unless you hiking or bicycling across any continent. Go for Pizza.

11) When a woman or a dude is high-maintenance, they’re disposable.

12) NASCAR is a redneck sports, period.

13) Be mindful of dudes with their neck bigger than their head.

14) Do not get married in your teens, your twenties, and early thirties. Mid-thirties or later is cool.

15) Be best-buds with hackers, they can be your greatest allies.

16) Strippers are awesome, show them respect.

17) Feminists are not awesome, show them respect at a distance.

18) Liberal dudes are fraud, they are only doing it to get laid, historically speaking. (ie-hippies)

19) Mini-Vans are not cool, period.

20) Be sure to find out if your date’s history of substance abuse. If your date has such one, it’s over. Not worth your time. Once an addict, always an addict.

21) A meek person is a waste of time.

22) Baggy and saggy pants are not cool, they’re very douche and you have the right to laugh at them and make jokes.

24) Ebonic is not a language, it’s illiterate thing. Do you guys want a Hillbilly-speak to be a language? Please!

25) Rush Limbaugh is a natural born douche-bag and his opinions are invalid.

26) Family Guy’s Peter Griffin is based on Rush Limbaugh.

27) Star Trek and Star Wars are awesome, end of the arguments. Shut it, geeks!

28) Babylon 5 is stupid, sorry, geeks!

29) Curling is not an Olympic event, it is a beer sports.

30) Beer is good for you.

31) There are no De-caf-soy-milk Caramel Mocha in Italy so, MAN UP and drink espresso. I’ll be shit-bagged if there are.

32) Starbucks’ sucks cock.

33) Riding a motorcycle without helmet mean you’re complete moron!

34) Riding a motorcycle without proper riding clothings mean you’re as stupid as a naked fat guy at a nude camp.

35) Salma Hayek is sexy, don’t argue with me.

36) Jennifer Lopez’ ass is awesome, ’nuff said!

37) When your date is allergic to chocolate, it’s totally over! (Trust me on this. It’s from my real-life experience.)

38) Clip your fingernails and your toenails. Long nails are disgusting.

39) Girls, do not use your teeth when blowing. Ya want us bite your clit!!!

40) G-string on a woman is awesome, ’nuff said.

41) When you buy a DSLR, read the fucking manual, you fuck! If you’re too lazy, send it back and get a point and shoot digicam! Jeez!

42) Do NOT pull the “Back in my day….” bullshit, get it, you old gas-bag.

43) Never brush your teeth before breakfast. Shit, try drinking Orange Juice afterwards. On the plus, do NOT douse your scramble eggs or hash browns with hot sauce then drink a coffee, OO shit, it’s nasty.

44) Dremel grinder’s the best tool ever!

45) Babies are beautiful the next day, okay. Not just out of the womb, you sicko. Poor them all covered up in muck and they stink!

46) Valentino Rossi is awesome!

47) Quit Assuming everything, ass!

48) Political Correctness is a fuckin’ waste of time. Obesity is the same as “Golly, you’re fat!”

49) Bicycles are awesome.

50) Fuck is a beautiful word.

Okay, I will post more later on. Later, maaaaaan and woman!

Yesterday, my babysitter, Carrie, slapped my shoulder while sitting on an uncomfortable Ikea Poang chair and responded with slight dismay of “Eh?” expression thinking why would she give me a slapper? Carrie’s face was almost white and in shock. She had just told me an awful news.

Steve Jobs passed away.

My eyes became red and wet, I placed my hands on my face and swallowed the pain.

After hearing his death, everything I remember about him, the company, and the products came back in a flash flood to my already tormented mind. Wow, ooo Wow, so much memories and with much more awe and respect than any other icons or companies. All thanks to Steve Jobs and his friends for creating the most innovative company in the world.

I was and am still happy that Steve came back to Apple Inc in the late ’90s ( I think it was 1997, correct me if I’m wrong ). If it wasn’t for his timely return, Apple would have ceased to exist. At that time, I was in despair, I felt pang of dread that I would’ve have to learn how to use Window-based computers. Possibly the most unreliable machine ever made next to the Yugo yet I am still surprise Window and Microsoft is still here! Imagine a life without Apple? Think about it. Here’s a scenario: Microsoft wouldn’t create the XP, Vista, and 7. No iPod!!!! No iPhone!! Computers would still be in a beige body. I am sure you can imagine a lot more. Worst of all, no Mac OS X and the rest of the large kitty-cats! Steve Job truly introduce us into the real 21st Century. Thanks again, Steve! You have done a lot more for the world than anyone have.

My condolences to the family of Steve Jobs.

Steve, Thank you for everything! Rest in Peace.

I decided to type this for the world to read. I just want to explain my experience. I know I was on the other side of the continent.

On the night of Sept. 10th, I parked my motorcycle on the sidewalk of Embaracadero Shopping Center. Went up to the Gap Store which was closed to all customers but open to employees. It was closed for the remainder of the week because Gap, last time I remember, splitted women and men into two different stores within the same location. Top floor to go to the men and bottom floor for the women. I guess easier access for women. My co-workers and I moved and re-arranged every clothing, hangers, furniture, and several other items between the two floors. We moved Men’s stuff upstairs whilst I eye’ing my motorcycle making sure it doesn’t get parking tickets from these infernal meter maids. We all kept working well into the morning of 4:00am of Sept. 11.

At 4am, my eyes were red, my arms were spent, my feet swelled up, and legs became wobbled up; I was tired. A strange surreal feeling came to me during my last working hours. I guessed it was because I was tired. I usually stayed up late most of the time and, this time, it felt different. I looked at everyone differently. The atmosphere felt like it was the last day of something. Will I crash my motorcycle? Will I get fired? Is somebody gonna shoot me just for a measly Andrew Jackson in my wallet? Will something happen to my family? Is my apartment on fire? These were the queries loading my brain. I had a huge impact of the dread premonition. I thought to myself that I don’t need this shit in my brain. I had it before on my best buddy’s untimely death at Gallaudet University. Goes the same when I bid farewell to my Grandfather before heading to Spain. Stupid annoying “gut-feeling” of the last day of everything. End of the world? Alien invasion? Fuck!

Eh, it was 4am. I packed my messenger bag and put on my Vanson jacket. Snugged in my helmet firmly. Sat on my bike, keys in, switched on, pressed the starter button, and the sweet vibration of the flat twin started thrumming to life. Motorcycles always calms me down. San Francisco, at 4am, slept really well. Streets were very quiet and empty devoid of the usual traffic whenever on wheels or feet. Popped the clutch, jumped off the sidewalk onto the road and zoomed away to home. No cars, no cops, nothing. Sweet. I was in a hurry to get home because my eyelids wanted to glue itself shut. The ride back home was a quick 10 mins ride. I got on Columbus and I glanced at the TransAmerica building behind me via my side mirrors and it was getting smaller fast. Booo, too fast, eased up on the throttle or I could have smash-pow-wam-bam-boom my bike then take a frickin’ nap on a frickin’ sidewalk like a frickin’ good-for-nothing bums! Luckily, I slowed down and made an nice left on Bay St. heading toward the Doyle Dr Freeway via Marina Blvd. It was a freakish ride. I was trying to get away from my pecking premonition. Things smoothed out when I got off Doyle heading down Park Presidio. Finally arriving at home on 522 25th St. after making illegal left off Geary. Like I give a fuck, there were no black-n-white in sight and, again, my eyes and brain were slaggin’ off. Finally parked my motorcycle and bade it sweet dreams. I do that a lot to my motorcycles, it’s good for them.

Here I was in the bedroom, I plopped myself on the bed and snoozed off. A feeling came to me that it is the last day of everything we know about the world. Slept really good that night and decided that if it was the end of the world, I would wake up in the netherworld and I’ll say, “OO that was it was!”

Alas, it wasn’t. Orkid, then-best-buddies at the time, shook me up in the middle of the morning. I was pretty peeved but she wasn’t. She didn’t look good herself too and was signing in gibberish at me something about a plane crash at World Trade Center. I just got up griping, moaning, and cussing about to the living room only to see an image of North World Trade Center having a big major fire. “Ooo blimey, it’s just another new movies coming out soon! Nice, thanks for waking me up for nothing!!” I signed in quick American Sign Language and bumbled off to bed fuming like mad.

But 20 mins later, a “wait-a-minute” came to thought, no self-respecting director of Hollywood would make a movie in that garish gimmicky “B” rated special effect with no color control or special effect. Nope nope. I got up again and walked back to the living room……….. my stomach tightened, “Fuck” came out of my mouth. Orkid was bundling up with Leo, her then-boyfriend at the time. Watched the whole horrific event. I don’t need to explain in details, everyone I know and loved knows it. That day, the world as we know ended that day and it was bad day, a really nasty one.

Took me months to realized what happened to me on Sept. 10th. I understood it and it’s nothing I can do but just accept this premonition thing I always have and move on. For Sept. 11, I won’t forget it and I’ll pray every time for all the victims who have suffered through this awful and unforgiving attack. Thanks to all great Firefighters and Officials and god bless them all. Rest in peace.

It’s great that New Yorkers are building the new World Trade Center, it’s very beautiful. However, I still miss the beautiful twin towers. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. One of the top Wonders of the World and, again, I really miss them. I wish I could visited it and viewed the entire New York City from the top of the WTC.

Many Thanks for reading my blog.

Pepe